Natural Fake

*****WORLD-WIDE EXCLUSIVE*****MUST CREDIT NATURALFAKE*****WORLD-WIDE EXCLUSIVE*****MUST CREDIT NATURALFAKE*****

Bring up President Barack Obama’s name at any social occasion and you’re sure to hear the following questions:

What is he doing?….Why is he wasting so much money?…Is he trying to wreck the American economy?….Why doesn’t he care about the threat of terrorism?….What’s he thinking?….He’s such a cold fish. Doesn’t he care about the American people?….Why is he trying to destroy our health care system?….Does he hate America?….Why does he want to cripple the economy with cap and trade?….Why does President Obama keep pushing such grossly unpopular programs?….

But the answers you’re likely to hear: ….Obama’s a hardcore ideologue….I guess he’s a socialist…..He has no executive experience….He’s never held a real job….

are simply wrong!

President Obama Upon Discovering That He Has Another $1.9 Trillion of Taxpayer's Money To Gamble With....Oh, and that there's rice pudding for dessert. Rice Pudding With Prunes.

A groundbreaking new study coming out of California Institute of Technology in Pasadena and University College of London confirms what many in the neurological community long suspected.

Barack Obama has brain damage. Specifically, a damaged amygdala. (more…)

****WORLD-WIDE EXCLUSIVE****MUST CREDIT NATURALFAKE****WORLD-WIDE EXCLUSIVE****MUST CREDIT NATURALFAKE****

The Leftosphere is on fire today due to this picture at the Huffington Post.

Oh noes! Notes!

It shows that Sarah Palin wrote six words (SIX!!!) on the palm of her hand to remind her of important topics during an otherwise note-free thirty-two minute speech.

The six words?

Energy. Tax cuts. Lift American Spirit.

This is, of course, exactly like President Obama’s dependence on teleprompters for the entire text of his speeches. A total dependence which makes the President look like an especially elegant bobble-head doll observing a ping-pong match.

However, the HuffPo missed, or more likely “spiked”, photos of the other crib-notes which Sarah Palin had written on her body, including her notes on her plans for America and the American people and notes on her message to the Obama Administration.

Now, in a WORLD-WIDE EXCLUSIVE, naturalfake is proud to reveal the shocking photographs of the crib-notes the Huffington Post and other members of the MSM were too afraid to publish.

We begin with the crib-notes written on Sarah Palin’s wrists. These concern her plans for America and the American people: (more…)

When I was a small boy, one of the best times my friends and I could have on those long, hot, summer days was crawdadding down by the creeks.

For those of you unfamiliar with the term “crawdadding”, it means fishing for crawdads.

For those of you unfamiliar with the term “crawdads”, they are sometimes called crawdaddys, crawfish or crayfish. They’re small freshwater crustaceans that resemble lobsters. Crawdads usually live underwater in a hole near the bank of a creek.

Crawdadding usually involves a small piece of bacon, perhaps ham or a ham bone, tied onto the end of a length of string. You position the bacon in front of the crawdad’s hole to coax him out. Once he comes out, and either starts eating or approaching the pork, you slowly withdraw the bait until you’re able to either grab him behind the pinchers with your fingers, net him, or, in our case, scoop him up with a coffee can.

After that, it was time for a crawfish boil! Yum-yum!

Strangely enough, this is now the new strategy of Obama/Pelosi/Reid. They will soon be crawdadding for Republicans.

Alas, poor RINOs! You went after the pork!

With Brown winning in Massachusetts, the Democrats need Republicans to come aboard on their next “stimulus” or as they’re calling it now “jobs” bill. As before this is simply a huge money grab to fund bribery, corruption, special interests, political favors, and cronyism with money “unexpectedly” disappearing into phantom zip codes and non-existent congressional districts.

In anticipation of this greedfest, the Democrats have raised the debt ceiling $1.9 trillion dollars for this year alone. Because, hey, your earnings are theirs to spend! And, oh yeah, your children’s and grandchildren’s earnings as well.

That means there will be plenty of pork to go around. And as we’ve seen with the health care debacle that’s how Democrats and especially Obama, get things done. With out and out bribery and corruption.

So, the stage is set for Pelosi, Reid, and Obama to do a little Republican crawdadding.

They’re going to dangle a little pork in front of various Republicans to see who will emerge from the safety of fiscal responsibility. And if a little pork doesn’t work, well, they’ve got enough with that $1.9 trillion to go whole hog.

Still, the Republicans would do well to remember what happened to the crawdads who went after the pork.

They got boiled.

!!!!SPECIAL BONUS ANALOGY!!!!

When crawdads swim, they lead with their tails.

The Bluedogs, such as Nelson and Landrieu, couldn’t wait to show us their asses last year as they swam full speed backwards toward the big pile of pork laid out by Pelosi/Reid/Obama.

RINOs such as McCain, Collins, and Snowe will be tempted to lead with their asses and give Democrats bipartisan cover for their multi-generation theft bill in exchange for pork scraps.

Attention RINOs and Republicans in general! Do not lead with your asses! Do not follow the pork!

Or come November, like the Bluedogs, you too, will get boiled.

Yesterday, the Rightosphere was abuzz over this video, in which an apparently ignorant President Obama mispronounces the word corpsman as “corpse-man”. Not once, but twice.

In fact, the President did not misspeak. The corpse-man of his heartwarming anecdote was in fact a corpseman, a zombie deployed as part of a top secret military operation to Haiti.

With one, well, two slips of the tongue, the President had inadvertently revealed one of the blackest of all U.S. government black ops, one of the tip-topiest military secrets of all.

Now, in an exclusive interview with naturalfake, Brigadier General Fontaine Von Kaufmann, commander of the 1st Airborne Living Dead, or the “Dead Berets” black ops slang, reveals all.

So, Brigadier General, many of our readers may find this hard to believe, but you, in fact, lead a brigade of zombies.

Yes, that’s true. But, we don’t call them zombies. They don’t like it. Too many negative connotations. Negative stereotypes, you know.

You mean like eating brains?

Yes. That’s correct.

So, they don’t eat brains?

Oh, hell yeah, they eat brains. They’ll eat your brains in a New York second, if you give’em half a chance. That’s why we created these BRE’s. Brains Ready to Eat. Each Corpseman or Corpsewoman when deployed to the field is required to carry a minimum of ten BRE rations. We can’t have them eating the brains of friendlies, now can we?

I suppose not. So, if you don’t call them zombies….”

Well, they prefer the term Corpseman or Corpsewoman. Or the Living Dead. Though within the corpseman community, there’s a movement to embrace their essential deadness and drop that term, living. We’ve had troubles with the radical element of that particular movement recruiting from within our ranks.

How so?

Well, it’s no use being a zombie if all you’re going to do is lay on the ground and rot, now is there?

I see. And your purpose here in Haiti?

As you know, naturalfake, Haiti is living dead central. We’re here to engage the indigenous corpseman population. That’s all I can say, the rest is top secret.

Huh….so, I guess you were surprised when President Obama revealed the existence of your program.

Surprised? Well, that’s one word for it. If this President is so narcissistic that he doesn’t want people thinking he was ignorantly mispronouncing words, so we have to reveal one of our most top secret….uhm….what….I….mean….is……

I mean, he is the Commander-in-Chief and if he wanted to tell a heartwarming anecdote about one the 1st Airborne Living Dead saving an old woman and then she prays for America, that’s his prerogative.

Well, it was a heartwarming story.

Yes, yes it was……until the Corpseman ate her brains.

Ate her brains…?

Well, they are zombies, oops, living dead, so……anyway, he’s up for Corpse-martial even as we speak. We don’t condone the eating of friendlies’ brains here in the 1st Airborne Living Dead. Not under my command!

That’s good to hear. Well, thank you Brigadier General Fontaine Von Kaufmann.

Andrew Sullivan has embarked on a groundbreaking series to strip the veneer of deceit from, and expose the malice inherent in, the names given to their children by politicians.

First, he focused his laser-like intellect on Sarah Palin and the malevolent naming of her Down’s syndrome affected child as Trig.

Now, in a world-wide exclusive, naturalfake can reveal the next targets of Mr Sullivan’s investigative series: Barack and Michelle Obama!

The following is clearly the rough and rain-smeared draft of an upcoming article, which was found early this morning in the alley outside Mr Sullivan’s residence.*

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Did he really use the term “a little chubby” to refer to his daughters in a meeting? Last autumn? Did he really?

I don’t like the term myself. I think it is offensive. I think Barack Obama is dreamy, so unprecedentedly dreamy, like a mahogany piano one can endlessly play upon, playing something like “Chopsticks” or “Relax” by Frankie Goes To Hollywood. But he never apologized. At least he used the term metaphorically. At least, I think it was used metaphorically. Like when Stevie called me “phat”, which doesn’t mean “fat”. It means “plenty hot and tasty”. Because I’m a bear! And bears are beary hot and tasty. We are!

Grrrrr.

Not fat, though, not at all……but I digress.

Andrew Sullivan undergoing experimental medical treatment: Whole Body Liposuction

Still Obama called his own campaign prop “a little chubby” in public, according to an eye-witness account from one of the guys over at Five Guys Burgers .

“I was just in shock the first time I heard it,” the guy told me.

Unlike Barack Obama, the Five Guys Burgers guy has not been caught in multiple indisputable lies. I believe him over him. In fact, in any factual dispute, I believe anyone over him…….Oh, that’s not true. One look in Obama’s dreamy deer-like eyes and I’m gone! I’d believe anything he said. Anything at all!

While I’m at it, does anyone actually believe that Obama’s name for his girls of miraculous provenance was found by his deep knowledge of Hawaiian or Russian as he claims in his magical-realism novel, “Dreams of My Father”?

I mean, seriously. He knows about as much Hawaiian as he does the number of states in the United States. It’s as credible as the idea that he gave a speech without a teleprompter. It’s as credible as his amazing twenty year attendance of an America-hating, black racist church, during which, according to the New York Times, he did not even notice Rev Wright’s hatred of whites and America. It’s as credible as any number of indisputable self-serving, unbalanced lies that he has told in the public record for years.

The medical term for “a little chubby” is Malnutritia Obesa Sal Hepatica. Do you see it?

MALnutritIA obeSAl Sal HepAtica. See it now?

Not only that but, It is often shortened in medical slang to malia obesasha.

Is it not perfectly possible that the very names given to these poor children, being reared by nannies, is another form of mockery of their condition, along with the “a little chubby” tag?

And does the way in which these poor children were hauled around the country on an election tour, being dragged out in front of flash photographs in the middle of the night, barely clothed, suggest someone who actually cares for children with unhealthy eating habits, or rather sees them as a way to keep the spotlight on him?

C’mon, Burger Guy. Write that book. Expose this fraud.

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One can only stand in awe of Andrew Sullivan’s bravery and commitment to the truth. The hatred and contempt these politicians must feel for their own children is simply shocking. The Obamas especially. And, of course, to be fair, Sarah Palin, as well.

One might even think it is beyond the pale to go after a politician’s children, even obliquely, yet Andrew Sullivan goes where even this reporter frankly fears to tread.

God speed, Andrew Sullivan! God speed you on your quest for truth!

One can only hope the White House doesn’t get him to pull this hard-hitting and vitally important story.

UPDATE: One can only pray that Renaissance Man, Andrew Sullivan’s pursuit of the truth will not interfere with the writing of his Broadway musical.

HAT TIP: Ace

* Found and deciphered while naturalfake was on one of his frequent Listerine and vanilla extract benders. Oh, and a Sterno Colada, was involved. He does love his Sterno Coladas.

It’s good to be Premier in the Land of Fairness.

Newfoundland Premier Danny Williams will undergo heart surgery later this week in the United States.

Deputy premier Kathy Dunderdale confirmed the treatment at a news conference Tuesday, but would not reveal the location of the operation or how it would be paid for.

“He has gone to a renowned expert in the procedure that he needs to have done,” said Ms. Dunderdale, who will become acting premier while Mr. Williams is away for three to 12 weeks….Mr. Williams’ decision to leave Canada for the surgery has raised eyebrows over his apparent shunning of Canada’s health-care system.

(bolding mine)

Oh, I’m sure there will be reasons given and excuses made. But when it came to nut-crunching time, when Premier Danny Williams actually had to decide whether or not he would wait in line for his surgery, whether or not he would trust his health, his heart to socialized medicine or to the world’s finest (relatively) free-market health care, whether or not he would “buy Canadian” or “buy American”, well, it really wasn’t even a choice was it?

Premier Danny Williams had the influence to get truly excellent heath care and used it.

And average everyday Canadians?

It’s the baby seal treatment for them.

Newfoundland Premier Danny Williams discusses his upcoming surgery as the recipient of the first horse to human transplant to take place later this month in Denmark. No special treatment or corruption or influence peddling was involved.

Does anyone think it will be different here in the U.S. with our Democrat betters if Obamacare passes?

Yesterday, the White House narrowly avoided a public relations crisis by caused by this photo.

As you can see, the photo appears to show President Obama bowing to the Mayor Pam Iorio of Tampa, FL.

When asked by naturalfake if this was yet another example of the President bowing to hide his rare medical condition, White House spokesperson, Mandy Van Manmanderson, issued a flat denial.

“No, of course not, as you can see, Mayor Iorio is a woman…Oh, and he wasn’t asking about his bald spot either…uh, because….the President….doesn’t…have a bald spot. Yeah, no bald spot at all.”

Then what was the President doing? Does the Mayor wear really shiny shoes?

“…What? No-o…..no! The President was simply asking Mayor Iorio to check and see if he had head lice.”

Head lice?

“Oh my yes. The President has a terrible head lice problem.”

He does?

“Yes. He’s tried everything. Poor man. Shampoos, ointments, cutting his hair short. Nothing works. He might be having trouble with American public opinion right now but 100% of head lice absolutely love him.”

Really?

“My yes, the President is an total lice magnet. Why do you think the First Lady is always changing her hair style?”

Why?

“Well…I really shouldn’t be telling you this……but, okay.”

Ms Manmanderson leaned closer and whispered,

“Wigs.”

The First Lady wears a wig?

“She has to. Every few days the President gives her lice and she has to burn the wig. Her real hair is a bur cut. High and tight like a Marine. No wonder she looks so angry all the time!”

Well, that would explain a lot…

naturalfake caught up with the Presidential party at “Columbia”, a restaurant known for serving the finest Latin cuisine in Tampa.

President Obama sat at a table with Mayor Iorio and her husband.

Standing behind President Obama, White House Chief of Staff Raum Emanuel, fastidiously picked through the Presidential hair pinching off head lice with his fingers then crushing them between his teeth.

“I just love these little @%$^&!*%$# things! They’re so %$##@!*&^%@$ crunchy! They kind of taste like cilantro.”

Mayor Iorio ordered the Cuban classic dish boliche crillo, her husband, the ropa vieja, a house specialty. And, President Obama ordered a waffle.

White House Chief of Staff, Raum Emanuel, begged off saying, “Nothing for me. I’m stuffed. Those little &*$$#$@!#$%%##%^$ really fill you up!”

Once again, those on the Left are pushing the meme that people voting against socialized medicine/national healthcare are voting against their own interests. For the average lefty, it’s a complete mystery. They just can’t understand why we’d reject the advances of strangers with candy.

Really?

It’s that puzzling?

You see, most of us on Right moved out of our parent’s houses because we wanted to live our own lives on our own terms.

This is called being an adult.

Understand this leftards, we love our parents. We know they only have our best interests at heart. But even so, we want to stand as free men and women making our own decisions about our lives, and taking the consequences good or bad for those decisions.

That is called freedom.

Now, why, once we’ve established ourselves as free adult men and women, would we want to give up even the tiniest bit of that hard won freedom to a bureaucrat who, unlike our parents, does not have our best interests at heart?

That bureaucrat has her/his own set of interests, such as “bending the curve”. If I or a loved one does not fit exactly on their curve, even if there is a treatment or cure available, we may wind-up in a condition called dead.

Thus, we will keep our freedom of choice. We will keep our ability to decide our own fates even if it costs us more directly out of pocket. This is the bet we are willing to take: that the healthcare that we provide for ourselves is better than the healthcare decided for us by a faceless bureaucrat. The horror stories coming out of England, Canada, and elsewhere show us that this is a reasonable and wise bet.

The BBC in an article called “Make Me Poorer” come within shouting distance of the reason:

If people vote against their own interests, it is not because they do not understand what is in their interest or have not yet had it properly explained to them.
They do it because they resent having their interests decided for them by politicians who think they know best.
There is nothing voters hate more than having things explained to them as though they were idiots.
As the saying goes, in politics, when you are explaining, you are losing. And that makes anything as complex or as messy as healthcare reform a very hard sell.

What they miss is that we don’t see it as voting against our own interests. We see rejection of socialized medicine very much in our own interest. And we don’t enjoy being told that our decisions made as free adults are silly or stupid.

Only the eternal adolescents on the Left with their hands always out for someone else’s money and freedom could consider that a mystery.

UPDATE: Just to make it clear. We’re all for market-based reforms such as tort-reform, selling plans across state lines, pooling, etc. Yes, yes, I know lefties-that way you don’t get “free” healthcare so you can spend more of your own money on dope and 7-11 microwave burritos. Sorry…you might try growing up and taking responsibility for your own lives.

UPDATE 2: Nor are we guinea pigs or thieves.

As a typical “Progressive”, President Obama insists on pushing 19th Century solutions to 21st Century problems.

Future Progressive High-Tech Transportation System

The latest example is his proposed policy of axing the new moon mission and cutting NASA funding. I’m sure if asked why, President Obama would give the typical “Progressive’s” answer that we have so many problems here on Earth that we simply can’t spare the money for space.

In contrast, China, Russia, and India all have fully funded programs to put a man/woman on the moon by 2030.

Why?

Well, besides the obvious motives of national pride and military application(the highest of the high ground), the Space Program is the one government program that actually produces vast wealth and futures jobs for it’s citizenry.

The relatively miniscule amount of money spent on a Space Program has benefits far beyond simple bragging rights. The whole of the modern American economy has been built upon the technology derived from the Space Program. It’s the one government program that allows you, the taxpayer, to make more money and live an increasingly better life.

Frankly, the moon mission is too modest an objective. Mars and beyond should be the plan. Funding should increase, not decrease.

By contrast, what have the Entitlement Programs, which amount to 60% of the national budget, produced? Generation after generation stuck in welfare poverty. Increasing expenses that threaten the solvency of the nation and the future of the country. Have the trillions poured into the poverty programs eliminated poverty? No. Even programs like Head Start, which sound good on paper, turn out to be worthless, yet still live on.

You want endless money pits? You want to kill the American dream?

Then preserve and expand Entitlement Programs. That’s Obama’s “Progressive”
solution.

You want jobs? You want a thriving economy? You want benefits that you can’t even imagine today for your children and grandchildren?

Then support and expand the Space Program.

Here’s a list of most of the products and goods directly derived from the Space Program. Try to imagine your life, your job or those of your spouse, your parents, your children, your grand children without theseproducts, services, or advances: (more…)

Truly, he is the poet laureate for our generation.

Light a candle.

Sit in the dark and weep for what might have been.

Now, where’s that tub of Cookie Dough Ice Cream?