Today, Massachusetts Senator John Kerry gave an exclusive interview to naturalfake in which he accused senatorial candidate Scott Brown’s campaign supporters of acting in a manner reminiscent of Genghis Khan.
Senator John Kerry demonstrates new fortified anti-Scott Brown Safety Chamber
These are very serious allegations, Senator Kerry.
“Yes. I remember Christmas of 2009, sitting in a limousine outside a Cambodian restaurant. I remember what it was like to be given the wrong order by Vietnamese restaurants and Chinese restaurants and now Cambodians, and having the waiter of Chau Praya telling the American people that I did not order six spring rolls but merely five. Five! So, Cousin Bitsy got no spring roll.
“The waiter was wearing a Scott Brown for Congress campaign button. He asked me if I knew Sarah Palin.
“I have that memory which is seared –seared — in me, that says to me, before we send another Senatorial diner into harm’s way we have a responsibility in Massachusetts to go the last step, to make the best effort possible to avoid that kind of conflict and shut down the Chau Praya for safety violations or something.”
Yes, I see, Senator Kerry. Is that all?
“I am not here as Senator John Kerry. I am here as one member of the group of 10 or 20, which is a small representation of a very much larger group of the hundred or so Coakley supporters in the greater Boston area. Well, maybe it’s more like 30, maybe 40 supporters, and were it possible for all of them to sit at this table…uh…..let’s just say while they could all sit here at this table, it would be crowded. They could probably all have a nice cup of tea on a saucer but there would be no room. No room at all for each of them to have a plate for scones.
“I assure you, they would be scone-less, naturalfake. But they would be happy in their sconelessness, in that, sconeless, without boysenberry jelly they could support Coakley, would be happy to support Martha Coakley and defeat Scott Brown though sans scones and, need I mention, privations in the boysenberry jelly department.”
Yes, I understand, Senator. But, your allegations. The Brown campaign supporters. Genghis Khan.
“Yes, of course. I would like to talk, representing all Democrats, and say that several hours ago in Cambridge, we had an investigation at which over 150 ACORN members and many very highly paid SEIU members testified to campaign crimes committed in Southeast Boston, not isolated incidents but crimes committed on a day-to-day basis with the full awareness of Scott Brown at all levels of the campaign.
“They told the stories the of times they had been personally tea-bagged by tea-baggers. I myself was cut off in traffic, cut in front of the line at The Golden Door French Brasserie, had “kick me” signs taped to the back of my Kiton suit jacket. Brown supporters turned up at phone banks without being paid. Cut off pointless, I mean , pointed arguments about Scott Brown’s ownership of five, five!, properties.
“Not only that but Brown supporters blew up bodies, randomly shot at civilians, razed brownstones in fashion reminiscent of Genghis Khan, shot cats and dogs for fun, poisoned food stocks, and generally ravaged the countryside of South Boston in addition to the normal ravage of political campaigning, and the normal and very particular campaigning which is done by successful political campaigns this country.”
So, let me get this straight, Senator. The Brown supporters are running a successful political campaign, and at the same time are shooting civilians, shooting pets, poisoning food, and blowing up buildings? How is this possible?
“Oh, it’s possible, alright. Cause they’re tea-baggers and like Sarah Palin. And Scott Brown is a Republican!”
But…with all due respect. That makes no sense at all, Senator. How could Scott Brown possibly run a successful political campaign to become a Senator of the United States of America by shooting the family poodle and poisoning food supplies?
“Well…..because……uh……you see…ummm…..Do you know who I am?”
Yes, of course. You’re Senator John Kerry.
“That’s right, I’m Senator John Kerry. And this interview is over!”
Well, thank you for your time, Senator Kerry.
Did he pronounce Genghis Chinjizz like he did in the ’70s? Just curious, because chinjizz is something Kerry seems very familiar with, like its on his mind, err face, a lot.