I just saw a trailer for this at the local movie theater. And I have to tell you, it look’s like it’s going to be great!
Have a look!
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VOICE-OVER: Coming this Fall!
Three feisty ladies from New York City! Ruth, the intellectual. Sonya, the wise Latina. And unqualified Elena, the special one.
All looking for life, love, and laughter in Washington DC!
But when they get together on the Supreme Court of The United States of America. Look out!
Cause the first Monday in October is never gonna be the same!
In!
!!!!!Sex And The Divine Secrets Of The Ya-Ya Sisterhood OF The Traveling Robe!!!!!
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VOICE-OVER: Come…share the laughter……….and the tears….
(Supreme Court chambers)
RUTH: Well what, what is she doing here? Tell me.
SONYA: She’s thinking.
RUTH: She’s thinking? I think she’s trying to grow a brain, that’s what.
ELENA: I mad at America. I *mad* at America. Why so hard for me see, Ruthy? I gots no problem madding at you.
RUTH: Well, hurry up. I’ve got an opinion to write. Listen, I’m just saying the Founding Fathers screwed up. It’s what they’re good at. They do.
ELENA:……..?……..
SONYA: Ruthy, you’re confusing her. You know, Ruthy, ever since you quit drinking you’ve stopped thinking clearly. Elena, sweetie, think about it this way. The only disease that can survive in our bloodstreams is progressivism.
ELENA: Whaa?………(in tears) Judging is ha-a-a-a-ard!
****
Judging is ha-a-a-ard!!!!
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VOICE-OVER: Share the friendship…
SONYA: I brought something for you… ta da.
RUTH: It’s a….uh, the *magic* Supreme Court Justice robe. The Traveling Robe. For fellow travelers. Like me and you and Sonya!
ELENA: Magic?
RUTH: Yes, you never have to worry anymore. You have the Robe. The Supreme Court Justice Robe. No one can touch you now. Elena, honey, you can hate America as much as you want. For life! Finally, you can be mad at America.
(in tears)
You can finally be who you were meant to be. A single-minded progressive. Single-minded till the point of recklessness.
ELENA: Really? Robes really magic?
SONYA: ……Yeah….magic…I just got it from…..from a magic K-Mart.
ELENA: (laughing happily) The one in Magic Land?
RUTH:…….Yes, from the K-Mart in Magic Land.
ELENA: (clapping hands) Yeaaaaa!
****
VOICE-OVER: Share the Romance! The totally heterosexual romance…..the, uh… totally….hetero…uh……romance………………….yeah……
And you’ll never guess who plays the boyfriend!
MATT: Ma-a-a-tt Da-a-a-mon!
ELENA: Ele-e-e-na Ka-a-a-gon!
MATT: Ma-a-a-tt Da-a-a-mon!
ELENA: Ele-e-e-na Ka-a-a-gon!
MATT: Ma-a-a-tt Da-a-a-mon!
ELENA: Ele-e-e-na Ka-a-a-gon!
MATT: Ma-a-a-tt Da-a-a-mon!
ELENA: Ele-e-e-na Ka-a-a-gon!
****
VOICE-OVER: Share the fun!
RUTH: Elena! You can’t wear a *thong* to Court! You’re a Supreme Court Justice now. It’s not proper. Get your magic Traveling Robe.
ELENA: That is magic robe! It always ride up my heiny. Gives Elena a wedgy.
RUTH:….well…just…you know….just pull it out….
SONYA: (pointing) Jesus honey! Wax much?
ELENA: What? Judging is hard. Me dont have time to wax!
SONYA: I could be on death row and not have that *situation*!
RUTH: Don’t blame judging. We’re judging and we’re not growing a national forest.
SONYA: Is…there…what…Elena, sweetie, what have you got moving down there?
ELENA: I put a bird in my hair!
RUTH and SONYA: (laughing) That’s our Elena!
****
VOICE-OVER: Share the secrets!
SONYA: UGGHHHH, Can you get a pizza hangover?
ELENA: It was anchovies.
RUTH: Elena no, it was the bacon.
ELENA: It was anchovies. I know anchovy……………I make love to Obama.
SONYA: What!?!
ELENA: I make love to Obama. In Chicago.
RUTH: Oh My God! Girl, he is so-o-o dreamy! How was….
ELENA: What?
SONYA: You know……….his thingy….
ELENA:….his…thingy?………………oh. O-o-o-oh! Obama’s penis! You want know about Obama’s penis?
RUTH: Shhhh. Not so loud. Yes.
SONYA: So, how was it? Dish!
ELENA: Uh, you girls know how I like my men-
SONYA: Oh yeah, girl! Like you like your coffee!
ELENA:…..huh?….coffee?…..you mean, in a cup? No. That silly. Elena like her men like she like her anchovies! Short, limp, and stanky! Awww yeah!
RUTH and SONYA:……….
****
VOICE-OVER: But most important of all, share the sisterhood!
(throwing a softball back and forth)
SONYA: Would you want to get married?
ELENA: Well, me didn’t, didn’t think that was option.
SONYA: What if it was an option?
ELENA: Why? What? You want get married?
SONYA: I wouldn’t mind being married to you. Would you mind being married to me?
ELENA: No, no, not, not if that what you want. I mean, that, that what you want?
SONYA: I want you. So, ok.
ELENA: So really, we, we get married?
SONYA: Heee-hawww! April Fool’s! Boy, you really know how to throw a joke right back at someone Elena! I almost thought you were serious for a minute. You big joker you!
ELENA:………yeah…..Elena big joker………
SONYA: You sure are! Hey, Ruthy and I were wondering about your birthday present. Should we get you one of our special Sisterhood of the Supreme Court diamond necklaces?
ELENA: No. No. Just get me a really big closet……..for clothes……and stuff…
****
VOICE-OVER: And finally- Feel the empowerment when these sisters finally take matters into their own hands.
Be there when they take a stand.
A stand that will change all our lives forever….
SONYA: I want you to do something for me.
ELENA: What?
SONYA: Finish destroying America.
ELENA: Why?
SONYA: Because you can.
VOICE-OVER: !!!!SEX AND THE DIVINE SECRETS OF THE YA-YA SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELING ROBE!!!!
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RUTH: [at a bar, drinking Cosmopolitans] Why did we ever stop drinking these?
SONYA: Because we started drinking the Kool-Aid!
ELENA: UH-OH!
RUTH: Elena Poughkeepsied in her pants.
SONYA: Elena has pudding in her Prada.
ELENA: Me like pudding!
RUTH and SONYA: (laughing) That’s our Elena!
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LOUD DOOR SLAMMING NOISE
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SEX AND THE DIVINE SECRETS OF THE YA-YA SISTERHOOD OF TRAVELING ROBE
THE FIRST MONDAY IN OCTOBER WILL NEVER BE THE SAME!
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Ooh, gives me chills! I just can’t wait for October to come!
