First Lady Flies To Spain To Have King Juan Carlos Smell Her Hand

Finally, the White House is fighting back!

After days of vicious attacks by the vast right wing media, First Lady Marie Antoinette, My goodness! Excuse me!, First Lady Michelle Obama’s staff is out in force this morning explaining exactly why it was necessary for her to go to Spain.

To have King Juan Carlos smell her hand!

As everyone knows, Spain’s King Juan Carlos is the world’s foremost authority in all-natural, homeopathic cures for feminine “freshness” issues.

He is said to be able to diagnose the precise nature of the issues merely by sniffing the right hand of a woman afflicted by such problems, then come up with an exact cure specifically tailored to her individual body chemistry.

Picture Taken Mere Seconds Before King Juan Carlos of Spain Lost Consciousness. His First Words Upon Waking Were -Tuna, Elderberries, and Hobo's Feet.

“The Juan Carlos Regimen” is said to be 100% effective.

There! Now are you happy, wingnuts? Sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong, you have violated the medical privacy of the most gracious, beautiful, and personable woman in America, First Lady Imelda Marcos!

Huh?….wha…..Oh! Ooops! Sorry! Sorry! Of course, I meant First Lady Michelle Obama!……not…..not Imelda Marcos….but…President Barack Obama’s wife, First Lady Imelda Marcos.

There.

Yeesh! Sorry, sorry. First Lady Michelle Obama!

I meant First Lady Michelle Obama is the one with the crotch funk.

….Not….Imelda Marcos…

But…But, but it’s a, uh, very elegant….and beautiful….uh, crotch funk….yeah….

And anyway, it’s gone now, reichwingers!

First Lady Leona Helmsley took the King Juan Carlos Cure and now is…Oh golly! Excuse me! First Lady Michelle Obama took the King Juan Carlos Cure and now is fresh as a daisy!

The First Lady’s uh, elegant and….personable crotch funk cure as released by the palace is said to be an hour long bath consisting of Andalusian-style chilled gazpacho soup, veal escalopes with mustard, Oriental rice with sauteed mushrooms, a Mallorca-style vegetable ratatouille and sliced fruit with ice cream, and wines from the northern regions of Rueda and Rioja.

During the bath, the First Lady is said to hold a whole char-grilled turbot between her knees.

naturalfake’s sources tell us that First Lady Jiang Qing- gosh! sorry – that First Lady Michelle Obama will need to follow “The Juan Carlos Regimen” twice a day for the next two years.

As far as the cost of this five-day trip for a luxury cure, the First Lady’s office said the First Family will pay for personal hygiene expenses, but declined to reveal the taxpayer cost for the government employees.

Now , I think we can all stop with the lame excuses that the First Lady was just trying to be a good mother by taking little Sasha to Spain, and that she was just trying to be a good friend by taking her bereaved friend to Spain, and that she was taking a private trip with her own money so it’s none of our business.

I mean, that would make First Lady Marie Antoinette, ugh…sorry again, that would mean First Lady Michelle Obama is using the exact same argument as the Tea Party, ie. that she wants to live her life her way and spend her own money her way without interference from anybody else.

And that would make First Lady Michelle Obama a raging hypocrite.

And as a strong, life-long Progressive, I refuse to believe that.