Category Archives: The Presidency

White House Requests Emergency Aid From Haiti

Early this morning, Special Envoy for the White House, Franklyn Von Herryngton-Smythe, took a top secret flight from Joint Base Andrews Naval Air Facility Washington to Port Au Prince, Haiti.

There naturalfake’s international correspondent was able to catch up with Mr Herryngton-Smythe for this exclusive interview:

Mr Herryngton-Smythe. naturalfake international. Would you mind telling our readers why you’ve come on this extraordinary mission to Port Au Prince, Haiti?

“Well, I probably shouldn’t, but…..okay. Sure. You’re going to have to walk with me, though. I’m on a tight schedule here.”

Thank you. Now, our sources tell us that you’ve come to Haiti to request emergency aid?

“That’s correct. In particular, I’m here to meet with Jean Pierre Hyppolite, the head of the looter gang, the Ton Ton Fromage.”

Why, Mr Hyppolite?

“Well, first we were impressed with his brazen looting of the emergency food house.

I mean when President Obama with the help of congressional Democrats looted the future earnings of America’s citiizens, their children, and grandchildren to the tune of $800 billion on a “stimulus bill” and all the other hundreds of billions of “bailouts” and “job creation” for cronies, bribes, and such. We thought we were pretty much the class of that game. You know what I mean?”

Uh…..yeah.

“So, you’ve got to think of scale. Here in earthquake-torn Haiti looting the food house? That’s like….like…looting hundreds of trillions of dollars from the public. That’s like…..wow!”

I see.

“And then, when the BBC is doing an interview with Mr Hyppolite and they ask him why he looted the food houses and he says,””Never let a serious crisis go to waste. What I mean by that is it’s an opportunity to do things you couldn’t do before.”

Well! We knew he was a man who we could do business with. And a man who’s expertise we needed.”

How so?

Massachusetts. Healthcare. It’s a crisis. And we keep running into little roadblocks like the law, the Constitution, the law, good citizenship, fair play, and the law.

Somehow the Ton Ton Fromage have found a method to work-around these.”

Really? And that would be….

“We’re not exactly sure. It’s something called a “Machete” We’re pretty sure it’ll prove a useful tool for the SEIU and ACORN.”

………..A-n-n-nd…..you…you don’t think the voters will object to that?

“The voters? Pffft. What do they matter?”

Well then, uh, thank you very much, Mr Herryngton-Smythe. This is naturalfake international signing off from Haiti.

The Passion Of The Pickle-Yeller

MoDo is dissatisfied with President Obama.

She’s not alone.

Lately, there’s been quite a bit of dissatisfaction with President Obama from those on the left.

They want to tell us it’s because he’s too intelligent, too intellectual, though to be honest I’ve never seen any evidence of that: Obama seems to be unable or unwilling to process new information and act on on it. That doesn’t exactly scream intelligence. As MoDo alludes, Obama is constantly rediscovering the bleeding obvious.

Obama’s disengaged, even disinterested, style confuses them. The President states a goal then backs away from the process until the dog’s breakfast of a bill splats on his desk for him to finger-trace his signature in.

And yes, it is a puzzlement as everyone is aware of the of the formidable executive skills of constitutional law professors, presidents of law reviews, as well as senators who constantly vote present and who have never introduced nor guided any major legislation.

What the MoDos of the world forget is the one job Obama held where he could be considered an unqualified success. The one job that they assured us made him best qualified to be President.

I refer, of course, to the years Barack Obama spent as a pickle-yeller.

Oh, did I say pickle-yeller?

Excuse me. I meant to say community organizer.

Though to my mind, they’re one in the same.

Here’s a quick video of a community organizer:

Sorry, sorry. Of course, I meant that was a quick video of a pickle-yeller. Continue reading

The Greatest Tragedy Is That You Get Used To It

Here’s Ted Koppel on the BBC opining on America’s reaction to the Panty Bomber.

What’s interesting is Koppel’s statement that we should imitate France and Israel in reacting to terrorism.

Now you might think ol’ Ted’s gone all hardcore on us and is referring to such things as the special French anti-terrorism courts which can hold anyone suspected of conspiracy to commit terrorism indefinitely until the evidence is gathered against them. But no, you would be wrong. Continue reading

Golfocalypse Now!

Now the true story of yesterday’s press conference by President Obama can be told.

The following manscript was found in a totally trashed V.I.P. Suite at the Mahaneohelakawakahui Grand Hotel. naturalfake’s research division has confirmed it’s authenticity:

Pebble Beach… shit; I’m still only in Pebble Beach… Every time I think I’m gonna wake up back on the 9th hole at Augusta.

When I was home after my first PGA tour, it was worse. I’d wake up and there’d be nothing. No threesome. No girI-on-girl action. Nothing. Hardly said a word to my wife, until she beat the crap outta me with a 5-iron while I snoozed on Ambien then wrecked my SUV.

I said “yes” to a divorce.

When I was here, I wanted to be there; when I was there, all I could think of was getting a threesome going. I’m here a week now… waiting for a tournament…or a hooker….getting softer as the Viagra wears off. Continue reading

AVATAR: A Violent Right-Wing Fantasy

Conservative film director James Cameron once again tweaks the noses of the Hollywood Left by taking dead aim at the Obama Administration in his new movie, AVATAR.

Throughout the years, Cameron has received as much opprobrium from critics for the blatant, in-your-face, right-wing ideology that animates most of his movies as he has acclaim as one of Hollywood’s best action directors and storytellers.

Cameron’s political streak first surfaced in the smash hit, “Terminator”, a movie which pitted the ultimate abortionist from the future against a young mother desperately trying to protect the life of her unborn child. In the sequel and even bigger blockbuster, “Terminator 2″, the ultimate abortionist learns to respect human life as he joins forces with the mother to protect her now teenage son from the forces of faceless, robotic collectivization.

And so on from “Aliens” a decidedly un-PC and controversial fever dream about the clash between Native Americans and the “New World” colonists from Europe to “True Lies”, an expose of the threat of Islamic nuclear terrorism through “Titanic”, a sly parody of the Clinton administration in which a young man’s dreams of a better life in America and his pursuit of true love are destroyed by criminality, incompetence, and mismanagement at the highest levels.

Now, James Cameron and Fox have bet 500 million dollars that the film-going public will rally round a state of the art, 3D GCI enhanced fable concerning the Democrats’ and President Obama’s attempts to destroy the American dream.

The Tea Party is where?

Be warned. Beyond this point there be *SPOILERS*. Continue reading

THE BARACK OBAMA DIET PLAN

It’s that time of year when we all could use a little help in keeping the weight off. Fortunately for us, there’s one man who’s always slim, always so elegant. I refer, of course, to our President, Barack Obama.

Today, in an exclusive interview with naturalfake, President Obama will reveal his secret of how to keep a slim, trim, and if I may say, sexy physique.

nf: Thank you, Mr President, for agreeing to spend time with us on this important matter.

President Obama: It’s always a pleasure, naturalfake. Like I said before, nothing is more important to me than my health and the health of the American people.

nf: Yes, Sir. I certainly agree. First, at little background. Over the last few weeks, several people have expressed concern about your weight. They fear your supermodel’s physique is the result of stress. But it’s nothing like that, is it?

President Obama: (laughs) No, no. Nothing like that

nf: Nor, and I have to admit I’m surprised, is it exercise. It all has to do with your special diet. A dietary regime anyone anywhere can easily use. A diet you had a hand in developing?

President Obama: Yes, I wanted a diet based around the American concepts of fairness. I demanded a diet that everyone rich or poor regardless of race, creed, and color could follow. And I’m proud to say, I succeeded.

nf: If you don’t mind, Mr President. Could you please tell us this dietary miracle is? All of America is waiting!

President Obama: Of course. I cover everything I eat. Everything from arugula to waffles in “THICK, RICH, AND CREAMY GOVERNMENT GRAVY”.

The Secret? THICK, RICH, AND CREAMY GOVERNMENT GRAVY

nf: THICK, RICH, AND CREAMY GOVERNMENT GRAVY? Continue reading

AXELROD SIDELINED!!! OBAMA CEDES CONTROL OF 2012 REELECTION BID TO MUSLIM POLITICAL MASTERMIND!

In a surprising move to placate his increasingly disaffected left-wing supporters, President Obama gave control of his 2012 re-election bid to a political mastermind from the Muslim world.

naturalfake has learned that the political operative, known for his community organizing efforts around the Muslim world, is especially famous for successful operations here in the United States of America.

Since New York City provided the backdrop for the operative’s most spectacular success, the city will once again serve as his base of operations.

The name of the political operative who now controls President Obama’s electoral future?

Khalid Shaikh Mohammed.

KSM photo taken at Qandahar Glamour Shots

In an exclusive interview below, naturalfake gets to the heart of KSM’s new political efforts.

nf: I’ll bet you you were surprised when President Obama had you come to New York.

KSM: I was. But, he’s given me everything I could possibly want – hundreds of millions of dollars of world-wide media and an almost completely open forum for hours each and every day.

I’m going to use it to jump start a new community organizing program within the U.S. Muslim population that I like to call J.I.H.A.D.

nf: J.I.H.A.D.?

KSM: Yes! it stands for Join In! Happy American Democrats! Continue reading