Category Archives: The Presidency

White House Requests Emergency Aid From Haiti

Early this morning, Special Envoy for the White House, Franklyn Von Herryngton-Smythe, took a top secret flight from Joint Base Andrews Naval Air Facility Washington to Port Au Prince, Haiti.

There naturalfake’s international correspondent was able to catch up with Mr Herryngton-Smythe for this exclusive interview:

Mr Herryngton-Smythe. naturalfake international. Would you mind telling our readers why you’ve come on this extraordinary mission to Port Au Prince, Haiti?

“Well, I probably shouldn’t, but…..okay. Sure. You’re going to have to walk with me, though. I’m on a tight schedule here.”

Thank you. Now, our sources tell us that you’ve come to Haiti to request emergency aid?

“That’s correct. In particular, I’m here to meet with Jean Pierre Hyppolite, the head of the looter gang, the Ton Ton Fromage.”

Why, Mr Hyppolite?

“Well, first we were impressed with his brazen looting of the emergency food house.

I mean when President Obama with the help of congressional Democrats looted the future earnings of America’s citiizens, their children, and grandchildren to the tune of $800 billion on a “stimulus bill” and all the other hundreds of billions of “bailouts” and “job creation” for cronies, bribes, and such. We thought we were pretty much the class of that game. You know what I mean?”

Uh…..yeah.

“So, you’ve got to think of scale. Here in earthquake-torn Haiti looting the food house? That’s like….like…looting hundreds of trillions of dollars from the public. That’s like…..wow!”

I see.

“And then, when the BBC is doing an interview with Mr Hyppolite and they ask him why he looted the food houses and he says,””Never let a serious crisis go to waste. What I mean by that is it’s an opportunity to do things you couldn’t do before.”

Well! We knew he was a man who we could do business with. And a man who’s expertise we needed.”

How so?

Massachusetts. Healthcare. It’s a crisis. And we keep running into little roadblocks like the law, the Constitution, the law, good citizenship, fair play, and the law.

Somehow the Ton Ton Fromage have found a method to work-around these.”

Really? And that would be….

“We’re not exactly sure. It’s something called a “Machete” We’re pretty sure it’ll prove a useful tool for the SEIU and ACORN.”

………..A-n-n-nd…..you…you don’t think the voters will object to that?

“The voters? Pffft. What do they matter?”

Well then, uh, thank you very much, Mr Herryngton-Smythe. This is naturalfake international signing off from Haiti.

The Passion Of The Pickle-Yeller

MoDo is dissatisfied with President Obama.

She’s not alone.

Lately, there’s been quite a bit of dissatisfaction with President Obama from those on the left.

They want to tell us it’s because he’s too intelligent, too intellectual, though to be honest I’ve never seen any evidence of that: Obama seems to be unable or unwilling to process new information and act on on it. That doesn’t exactly scream intelligence. As MoDo alludes, Obama is constantly rediscovering the bleeding obvious.

Obama’s disengaged, even disinterested, style confuses them. The President states a goal then backs away from the process until the dog’s breakfast of a bill splats on his desk for him to finger-trace his signature in.

And yes, it is a puzzlement as everyone is aware of the of the formidable executive skills of constitutional law professors, presidents of law reviews, as well as senators who constantly vote present and who have never introduced nor guided any major legislation.

What the MoDos of the world forget is the one job Obama held where he could be considered an unqualified success. The one job that they assured us made him best qualified to be President.

I refer, of course, to the years Barack Obama spent as a pickle-yeller.

Oh, did I say pickle-yeller?

Excuse me. I meant to say community organizer.

Though to my mind, they’re one in the same.

Here’s a quick video of a community organizer:

Sorry, sorry. Of course, I meant that was a quick video of a pickle-yeller. Continue reading

The Greatest Tragedy Is That You Get Used To It

Here’s Ted Koppel on the BBC opining on America’s reaction to the Panty Bomber.

What’s interesting is Koppel’s statement that we should imitate France and Israel in reacting to terrorism.

Now you might think ol’ Ted’s gone all hardcore on us and is referring to such things as the special French anti-terrorism courts which can hold anyone suspected of conspiracy to commit terrorism indefinitely until the evidence is gathered against them. But no, you would be wrong. Continue reading

Golfocalypse Now!

Now the true story of yesterday’s press conference by President Obama can be told.

The following manscript was found in a totally trashed V.I.P. Suite at the Mahaneohelakawakahui Grand Hotel. naturalfake’s research division has confirmed it’s authenticity:

Pebble Beach… shit; I’m still only in Pebble Beach… Every time I think I’m gonna wake up back on the 9th hole at Augusta.

When I was home after my first PGA tour, it was worse. I’d wake up and there’d be nothing. No threesome. No girI-on-girl action. Nothing. Hardly said a word to my wife, until she beat the crap outta me with a 5-iron while I snoozed on Ambien then wrecked my SUV.

I said “yes” to a divorce.

When I was here, I wanted to be there; when I was there, all I could think of was getting a threesome going. I’m here a week now… waiting for a tournament…or a hooker….getting softer as the Viagra wears off. Continue reading

AVATAR: A Violent Right-Wing Fantasy

Conservative film director James Cameron once again tweaks the noses of the Hollywood Left by taking dead aim at the Obama Administration in his new movie, AVATAR.

Throughout the years, Cameron has received as much opprobrium from critics for the blatant, in-your-face, right-wing ideology that animates most of his movies as he has acclaim as one of Hollywood’s best action directors and storytellers.

Cameron’s political streak first surfaced in the smash hit, “Terminator”, a movie which pitted the ultimate abortionist from the future against a young mother desperately trying to protect the life of her unborn child. In the sequel and even bigger blockbuster, “Terminator 2″, the ultimate abortionist learns to respect human life as he joins forces with the mother to protect her now teenage son from the forces of faceless, robotic collectivization.

And so on from “Aliens” a decidedly un-PC and controversial fever dream about the clash between Native Americans and the “New World” colonists from Europe to “True Lies”, an expose of the threat of Islamic nuclear terrorism through “Titanic”, a sly parody of the Clinton administration in which a young man’s dreams of a better life in America and his pursuit of true love are destroyed by criminality, incompetence, and mismanagement at the highest levels.

Now, James Cameron and Fox have bet 500 million dollars that the film-going public will rally round a state of the art, 3D GCI enhanced fable concerning the Democrats’ and President Obama’s attempts to destroy the American dream.

The Tea Party is where?

Be warned. Beyond this point there be *SPOILERS*. Continue reading

THE BARACK OBAMA DIET PLAN

It’s that time of year when we all could use a little help in keeping the weight off. Fortunately for us, there’s one man who’s always slim, always so elegant. I refer, of course, to our President, Barack Obama.

Today, in an exclusive interview with naturalfake, President Obama will reveal his secret of how to keep a slim, trim, and if I may say, sexy physique.

nf: Thank you, Mr President, for agreeing to spend time with us on this important matter.

President Obama: It’s always a pleasure, naturalfake. Like I said before, nothing is more important to me than my health and the health of the American people.

nf: Yes, Sir. I certainly agree. First, at little background. Over the last few weeks, several people have expressed concern about your weight. They fear your supermodel’s physique is the result of stress. But it’s nothing like that, is it?

President Obama: (laughs) No, no. Nothing like that

nf: Nor, and I have to admit I’m surprised, is it exercise. It all has to do with your special diet. A dietary regime anyone anywhere can easily use. A diet you had a hand in developing?

President Obama: Yes, I wanted a diet based around the American concepts of fairness. I demanded a diet that everyone rich or poor regardless of race, creed, and color could follow. And I’m proud to say, I succeeded.

nf: If you don’t mind, Mr President. Could you please tell us this dietary miracle is? All of America is waiting!

President Obama: Of course. I cover everything I eat. Everything from arugula to waffles in “THICK, RICH, AND CREAMY GOVERNMENT GRAVY”.

The Secret? THICK, RICH, AND CREAMY GOVERNMENT GRAVY

nf: THICK, RICH, AND CREAMY GOVERNMENT GRAVY? Continue reading

AXELROD SIDELINED!!! OBAMA CEDES CONTROL OF 2012 REELECTION BID TO MUSLIM POLITICAL MASTERMIND!

In a surprising move to placate his increasingly disaffected left-wing supporters, President Obama gave control of his 2012 re-election bid to a political mastermind from the Muslim world.

naturalfake has learned that the political operative, known for his community organizing efforts around the Muslim world, is especially famous for successful operations here in the United States of America.

Since New York City provided the backdrop for the operative’s most spectacular success, the city will once again serve as his base of operations.

The name of the political operative who now controls President Obama’s electoral future?

Khalid Shaikh Mohammed.

KSM photo taken at Qandahar Glamour Shots

In an exclusive interview below, naturalfake gets to the heart of KSM’s new political efforts.

nf: I’ll bet you you were surprised when President Obama had you come to New York.

KSM: I was. But, he’s given me everything I could possibly want – hundreds of millions of dollars of world-wide media and an almost completely open forum for hours each and every day.

I’m going to use it to jump start a new community organizing program within the U.S. Muslim population that I like to call J.I.H.A.D.

nf: J.I.H.A.D.?

KSM: Yes! it stands for Join In! Happy American Democrats! Continue reading

AMERICAN PSYCHO

I owe Lee Siegel an apology.

When I first read Mr Siegel’s column for “The Daily Beast”, “America’s Mass Murder Addiction“, I thought it was just another lame leftist attempt to provide a rationale for the terrorist murders by Nidal Malik Hasan, an attempt to provide a reason, any reason at all, for Hasan’s actions except the glaringly obvious one.

How else to interpret the following:

…To be sure, mass murder happens all over the world. But it occurs at nothing close to the frequency with which it erupts in the U.S….Here, however, in the world’s sanctuary of freedom and prosperity, Americans are murdering each other, and their families, in groups…

…Indeed, it’s time to start asking ourselves whether our famous American freedom—in both its liberal and conservative formulations—is not actually a subtle form of dehumanizing tyranny….We have to start examining whether the general free-for-all of our economic system, and the pleasure-seeking ethos of our commercialism, and the ideology of immediate gratification that is corroding any type of respect for authority—we have to determine whether these “freedoms” are actually a tightening dog collar turning us all into rabid animals…

Got that? In Siegel’s mind, it’s America’s economics and pleasure-seeking and freedom that’s turning us all, not just Hasan, but all of us into mad dog killers.

And then there’s the typical leftist big finish, a general condemnation of society combined with the author’s oh-so-exquisite moral sensitivity and outrage:

….The slaughter of strangers is bad enough. But the rising frequency of people murdering their families—and then themselves—is beyond chilling….And yet the routine—routine—murder of groups of people and of families by family members doesn’t seem to ruffle anyone’s feathers….”

Yes, yes, I thought at the time. We’re all turning into mass murderers. We’re all routinely-routinely-killing large groups of people and our family members.

Oh, how I laughed at what I thought was a pathetic attempt to spread thin the rancid butter of Hasan’s guilt over the American public.

But, I’m not laughing now. Not at all.

Lee Siegel is right.

There are millions of Americans who support the slaughter of their own family members. Millions, who for a mere economic bribe, would frivolously condemn their parents, their grandparents, and babies to death and torture. Millions, thinking only of their own pleasure at getting free stuff, who condone the deaths of friends, neighbors, and fellow citizens.

Last Saturday night, like some family of cannibalistic hillbillies building their torture cellar off a lonely New Mexico highway, the leaders of these millions lay the foundation of their prison of pain.

Last Saturday night, Nancy Pelosi and the Democrats passed the House version of Obamacare.

Here’s a video of an Obamacare supporter celebrating Saturday night’s victory:

Thank you, Lee Siegel! Thank you so much for alerting me to this terrible danger!

Now, I know what lies behind the cold, dead eyes of Pelosi, Reid, and President Obama.

In the future, I will be on the lookout for these Mad Dog Democrats.

And so should you, gentle reader, for who knows what lies behind the smiling faces of our parents, our brothers and sisters, our friends, our politicians and fellow citizens?

A kind and caring individual.

Or, an American psycho.

UPDATE: Heh.

UPDATE 2: Torture!

The American Regent

It was a problem for monarchies.

How do you protect the nation if the king is a child or debilitated or missing, if he’s unable, unsuited, or unwilling to fulfill his duties or even flat-out crazy?

The solution was the appointment of a regent. A regent was to act as the head of state, to make decisions that the king was no longer trusted or able to make, to chart the course of government. Thus, the health and welfare of the nation was preserved until either the coronation of a new king or the old king was able to handle his duties.

Some monarchs made famous by their replacement by regents include King George III of the United Kingdom, Emperor Taisho of Japan.

Perhaps the most famous king replaced by a regent was Mad King Ludwig of Bavaria.

While there’s some disagreement over whether Ludwig was truly mad or not, there’s no denying he was an eccentric king. Ludwig showed little interest in governing. Instead, he poured his energies into vastly expensive, self-aggrandizing vanity projects, such as building several fairy palaces.

Neuschwanstein

Oh look, Honey! It's socialized medicine! Ain't it purdy! Wait......maybe... No... Yeah, I think that's cap and trade!


Finally, Ludwig’s irresponsible spending and behavior brought affairs to a head:

By 1885, the king was 14 million marks in debt, had borrowed heavily from his family, and rather than economizing, as his financial ministers advised him, he undertook new opulence and new designs without pause. He demanded that loans be sought from all of Europe’s royalty, and remained aloof from matters of state.

He was replaced by a regent.

America was designed by it’s Founding Fathers to a be a country without a king. The President, while a powerful executive, is still constrained by the separation of powers and the Constitution.

But if the system fails, what then?

What if, as now, we have a President who’s fiscal irresponsibility threatens the future and welfare of the nation? A President who shows little interest in governing beyond his vastly expensive, self-aggrandizing vanity projects. A President, who is almost uniquely unsuited to serve.

What if, as now, the President’s advisers and counselors are even more radical and less fiscally responsible than he is?

What if those who should constrain the President or even replace him should he prove totally unfit, such as Biden, Pelosi, Reid are instead promoting, aiding and abetting his domestic and international folly?

Then, who will step up and lead? Who will chart a safe course for our nation?

Who is the American Regent?

I believe we found out last night.

The American Regent is the American voter.

Invested with good common sense, the American Regent sent a message to those who would risk the health and wealth and welfare of the United States of America on ill-conceived vanity projects.

The American Regent also signaled his/her intentions last night.

Should President Obama, his advisers, the Bidens, the Pelosis, the Reids, and others ignore The American Regent, they will be replaced or sidelined from power in 2010 and 2012.

UPDATE JAN 17, 2010: While the American Regent appears to be up and running at full strength in Massachusetts, now is not the time to relax. Now is the time to pour it on.

The most important thing for Tuesday’s election is that Brown’s victory be as large as possible. We’ve seen in other elections, in other states how post-election Democrat votes can be “found”.

A win by a significant margin just might kill Obamacare in and of itself and, hopefully, will force Congress and Obama to adopt financially responsible policies.

A loss, especially a loss by “found” votes, may convince the Democrats and their allies that they are above the law and the Constitution, that the American voter ultimately means nothing.

Further, victory means nothing if we don’t push on and plan for November in as public a manner as possible. Democrats and RINOs must be convinced they will face defeat.

Tomorrow’s a holiday. If you live in or near Massachusetts, please volunteer for the Brown election effort and if eligible vote on Tuesday. It may mean the difference between freedom and tyranny for you, your children and your grandchildren.

UPDATE: Some people have learned but it looks like the White House is going to get another visit from the American Regent in 2010.

UPDATE 2: Yep.

The Reverse Mao

First, I believe I owe President Obama an apology.

Mr President, I admit that, like many others, I was concerned about the Maoists serving as personal advisers and cronies in your White House.

I’m sure you can understand.

Not that it has anything to do with you, of course, but Mao murdered 70 million of his own people in his drive towards socialism/communism.

I know now that I never should of doubted you, Sir. But little did I realize that these Maoists were there to serve as strategy advisers for the war in Afghanistan!

Brilliant! Who else would you turn to for tactics and strategy in an insurgent/guerilla war than the man who conquered China for communism!

Boy, is my face red!

Like Mao, the U.S. military will now huddle in and protect the cities. And, just like Mao, we will leave the countryside, the villages and hamlets to our enemies. Yep, Al Qaeda and the Taliban can wander hither and thither among the tumbleweeds, can move up and down the countryside, but we have the cities, baby!

For a president who said he doesn’t like the word victory, especially with regards to Afghanistan, President Obama hit upon the perfect strategy to lead America’s fighting men and women to victory.

We’ll fight our war and they’ll fight their’s, eh, Mr President.

Well, here’s the Administration’s foremost Maoist, Anita Dunn, giving the background giving the background to the new strategy based on Mao’s Long March.

Listen between 1:16 and 1:50.

What?

Well, that can’t be right! Let me listen again…..

Wait a minute now…..Mao….let me see if I’ve got this straight….Mao didn’t worry about holding the cities? He built his army by recruitment and/or intimidation of the peasants on the farms and in the countryside? Thus, Mao was able to grow his army as well as control the production of food and the shipment of supplies to and from the cities by controlling the countryside?

I…I feel like I’m taking crazy pills.

So, okay, alright….but then, why would President Obama cede the countryside to the Taliban and Al Qaeda? I mean, he’s got at least two Maoists he could turn to for advice….

Still…..now, that I think about it…..this was kind of our strategy in Iraq when we were failing until the surge……and a losing strategy in Vietnam as well……

Not only that but….

Where will the Afghanis in the cities get their food? If the Taliban/Al Queda control the farms and roads to the cities….I mean, will we have to create a Berlin Airlift for every city we hold?

Huh….

You know something? I’m beginning to believe this isn’t a good strategy at all.

C’mon, President Obama, stop worrying about the word, victory!

Get your Maoists to explain it to you.

UPDATE: This little Maoist went wee-wee-wee all the way home!

Hat Tip: Hot Air and Ace