The Ballad of Chris Dorner or Folk Song for an American Hero

As a strong, committed person of the Left, nothing could be more thrilling to me than to see the Oppressed of this country rise up and speak truth to power in the name of a true American hero.

I refer, of course, to Chris Dorner.

Each day his legend grows and soon Chris Dorner will be as well known an American Folk Hero as John Henry, Paul Bunyan, and Stagger Lee.

As proof, I give you this folk song celebrating Chris Dorner that sprang up spontaneously at several of the rallies I participated in this week.

If you’re anything like me, you can easily hear Woody Guthrie or Pete Seeger or even The Boss himself, Bruce Springsteen, singing these words of glorious tribute to a fallen hero:


When Chris Dorner was a little baby,
sitting on his daddy’s knee.
He picked up a knife, stabbed his dad in the junk
Said, “I’m goin on a killin spree, Gaia, Gaia.
I’m goin on a killin spree.”

Chris Dorner learned to be a victim.
Loved Piers Morgan and Hillary
Filed false police reports then threw a fit,
Said poor discriminated on me, Gaia, Gaia
I’m goin on a killin spree

Chris Dorner loaded up his pistol
Gave his German Shepard good-bye head
Sucked every ounce of juice from that poor dog’s balls,
And he liked to take turtles to bed, Gaia, Gaia
Liked to tongue-punch turtle anus in bed.

Chris Dorner loved him some gun control
And that surely made him smart
Didn’t want nobody shooting back
When he shot dead young unarmed sweethearts, Gaia, Gaia
When he murdered two defenseless sweethearts

Chris Dorner ambushed some police
Then he fled to the woods and thorn
Crammed a gerbil up his butt, shot himself in the head
Burned on a pyre of his favorite kiddie porn, Gaia, Gaia
Burned on a pyre of his favorite kiddie porn.

Chris Dorner lives on in our memories
Not the christian lie of peaceful heaven.
He’s celebrated as a superhero by those
Thrilled by death on 9-11, Gaia, Gaia
By those who are thrilled by death.

Take that, wingnuts!

You can hear “The Boss” just singing the hell outta that can’t you?

Eeeeeeeeeee, this is so exciting to be here at the birth of an American Folk Hero and his own American Folk Hero Song.

But, I am disturbed by the fact that while “The Ballad of Chris Dorner” has in it almost everything that we on the Left believe and support, it has nothing about Chris’ strong support for abortion or green energy.

Still, that’s the beautiful thing about a folk song. We, the people, the folk, can add our own lyrics to “The Ballad or Chris Dorner” because it is, after all, our song.

The comments are open should you care to add lyrics to this moving tribute to the newest and greatest of all American Folk Heroes, Chris Dorner.

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